Blah.

Today is a very "blah" day. I'm tired, cold, and irritable. I just want Brian to be home. I think I got used to having him at home while he was off last week helping me take care of the kids when I was sick, too. He was off Monday through Thursday of last week; it helped SO much! (Thank you, Brian!) I really wish I could just be lazy or just relax sometimes. I mean - don't get me wrong - I can be lazy, but I really really miss just being able to lie around before having kids. Even now, I can't really just read a book or lie down anywhere without someone (mainly Luke) coming over to be held and played with or nursed. I do love my kids a huge amount and I like to spend time with them; it just gets to be a bit much sometimes. I'm looking forward to when the kids are older and we can do our own thing a little bit, at the same time.

I really don't want anymore kids. When I have a little one (under 2, but mainly under 1), I feel like I have such a hard time doing anything else or paying attention to anything else. Unfortunately, Katie has had to deal with less attention since Luke was born, probably less than is ideal and less than other people would have been able to give, but we manage. I pray she wasn't emotionally harmed by it. I certainly didn't ignore her or anything, but I haven't done a lot with her compared to what I feel like I should be doing or should have done.

I'm so tired, and hoping we can all take a nap soon.

Just a little update

I *think* everyone's getting better. It's very odd. Katie only threw up twice (Friday morning and Saturday) and was eating regular foods at dinner tonight. Luke seems to be over the stomach flu, but every couple of days, he throws up. :-/ I think it might be because his tummy is still sensitive and when he gags, he just throws up. I don't know. I'm better, though, and thankful for that. Brian never got sick, lucky guy! PTL for taking care of all of us!

Luke finally went to sleep at about 2:15am or so. I don't know what's up with this boy. He got up at about 10am! Maybe it's the late nap. I dunno. I'm tired. Off to bed soon.

I'm feeling a bit depressed. I've gained weight. I feel useless and unintelligent. I'm overwhelmed and not feeling very much confidence in myself. I do have confidence in God, but I feel rather out of touch with Him because I haven't been to church in so long and haven't been reading the Bible, either. I've been praying, but probably not as regularly as I should. I don't know. Just not feeling very connected. I feel connected to my kids and DH, though, so I suppose that's good. :) I do think I need counseling, though. I feel like I'm stuck in a rut and can't get out.